Dear Bambi,
My telephone service provider has a voice recognition system, which is continually droning, "I'm sorry, did you say ARRRRGHHH, and bang your receiver on the desk?"
I do not know what to say to get through to an actual uncaring agent. Please Help!
Yours Truly, ARRRRRRGHHHH
Dear ARRRRRRRGHHHH
You have inquired about a subject very near and dear to my heart!
The never ending quest to escape the cold heartless automated voice and talk to a cold heartless living human being will plague our very souls...but there are ways to trick the system!
1. Press zero..yes this does work at times but does it really show the company our disgust? I think not! We need to adopt the second method to send a message
2. Blind rage...Consider this your opportunity to release all the tension you've built up through your day. Narrow those eyes, add menace to your tone, and unleash the vocabulary that your mother used to slap your mouth for! Not only will it shove you through the cue, but sometimes it manages to terrify the customer service agent on the other end and they will comply to your every wish!
The bonus to choosing option two is that it also helps channel the rage from your very soul and reduces the risk of you strapping a bomb to your chest and roaming the lobby of the company in question!
Bambi
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Looking for support
Dear Bambi,
I've been thinking of purchasing a new bra. In this sagging economy (as it were), I need to use my money wisely. Can you tell me what to look for?Thank You.
NL
Dear NL
Thank you for contacting Bambi. In fact, I get many questions about this very matter, but it's really quite easy. You choose a bra that has the same qualities as your friend Bambi - Supportive, Uplifting and Full of Fun.
I've been thinking of purchasing a new bra. In this sagging economy (as it were), I need to use my money wisely. Can you tell me what to look for?Thank You.
NL
Dear NL
Thank you for contacting Bambi. In fact, I get many questions about this very matter, but it's really quite easy. You choose a bra that has the same qualities as your friend Bambi - Supportive, Uplifting and Full of Fun.
The silence surrounds me...
Dear Bambi
I'm not a tech-y and do not know to whom to turn for the answer to this question. Every time I try to use my iPod outside, it does not seem to work. I can see the little seconds of my life ticking away on it, but I cannot hear anything. Please help. I have been banned from electronics stores on account of my Pathetic and Miserable questions - questions so bad, I should not even be allowed to have electronics, or even turn on a light switch.
Soundless in Seattle
Dear Soundless in Seattle,
Do not fear, my techno-less friend. Your problem is typical of those who are outside in winter. What has happened is that you have put the strings from your parka hood into your ears. Make sure you use the iPod earbuds next time. You will have better results.
I'm not a tech-y and do not know to whom to turn for the answer to this question. Every time I try to use my iPod outside, it does not seem to work. I can see the little seconds of my life ticking away on it, but I cannot hear anything. Please help. I have been banned from electronics stores on account of my Pathetic and Miserable questions - questions so bad, I should not even be allowed to have electronics, or even turn on a light switch.
Soundless in Seattle
Dear Soundless in Seattle,
Do not fear, my techno-less friend. Your problem is typical of those who are outside in winter. What has happened is that you have put the strings from your parka hood into your ears. Make sure you use the iPod earbuds next time. You will have better results.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Onwards and upwards!
You have questions? We have answers! Of sorts...
Why should you share your angst ridden, deepest, darkest secrets with us? Because what better way to sort out lifes sordid issues then through an anonymous online weblog? We don't surprise easy, and to be honest...we have a bit of a morbid fascinations with this kind of stuff!
Who are we? Well we are a highly trained duo (not in psychological matters by any means) who have a way with words and the ability to sprinkle in just the right amount of snark when appropriate, hell...even when it's not appropriate!
So send your life questions our way! We can guarantee a response, what you choose to do with it is entirely up to you!
bounceitoffbambi@gmail.com
Why should you share your angst ridden, deepest, darkest secrets with us? Because what better way to sort out lifes sordid issues then through an anonymous online weblog? We don't surprise easy, and to be honest...we have a bit of a morbid fascinations with this kind of stuff!
Who are we? Well we are a highly trained duo (not in psychological matters by any means) who have a way with words and the ability to sprinkle in just the right amount of snark when appropriate, hell...even when it's not appropriate!
So send your life questions our way! We can guarantee a response, what you choose to do with it is entirely up to you!
bounceitoffbambi@gmail.com
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